Unique disposition & Empowerment of expresssion

 I have realized that I am in a unique disposition in life. A place I have never thought I would be in. A strong woman and outspoken. I require a strong man to be by my side.

The guy I consider one of my best friends is a teenager in an adult body. The guy has a heart of gold. He always has sex on the brain. I am not interested in him like that. There are physical reasons why, I am respectfully NOT mentioning flaws because I have plenty. It is all perception. Beauty. Ugly. Flaws. We can go on and on. Stop on it now. He is not qualified for what I need in my life. I will not kick him to the curb. It is one thing for people to drift apart, another to step people to the curb for petty trite bull shit. 

I do tend to have a personal love / hate crush on my tech, Steve. I do not mind stating it here. I feel comfortable saying it. I had a crush on my other tech, Tim. I can not quite put my finger on what made me have a crush on Steve. I figure it may be a sense of him as a rebel or bad ass. I do not know much about him personally. I want to. Whatever place either of are in, we still can talk.

I am in this unique place of self expression. I feel confident in speaking my mind. Professionally. Personally. I am empathic. I feel what others are feeling. I can turn it off or dial it down sometimes if I am around people that I have no connection to.

I feel empowered to be able to visually express words. It is the written word that I am best at when it comes to being personal. I am skimming on the surface many times. I journal those deep emotions and thoughts. I am empowered to express my thoughts. I want to empower myself for oration. I do not want to be an orator. I do not do public speaking. Someday give an oration. 

It is about empowerment of my personal expression. To express my thoughts respectfully and thoughtfully to others without hesitation. I can be coy as needed. I will no longer be the sweet little girl. The nice coy girl who just does. Not the good little soldier. If you can not take criticism, then get off my bus.

To Steve, "Thinking of you" by Christian Kane 

Politics - Sometimes I wonder about people

Sometimes I wonder about people.

I have seen a lot of politics in the workplace over the years. I grew up in the retail automotive industry since I was a kid back in Georgia. I've seen politics from Georgia to South Carolina to North Carolina. 

I learned a lot of nasty under handed crap just in the name of politics. I've been the one to purposefully NOT do the nasty things I've learned. It gets you NOWHERE in the long run. It is not a means to an end. You will fall eventually off that ladder of your facade of success. 

It seems that politics have taken over my department. It is a facade of innuendo and word play to cover one's rear end. 

An employee gets suspended for a violation in policy. The said employee turns herself in the same day it occurred.  Suspension took place about two weeks later (after the manager finally got around to it). During the employee's suspension, the violation gets looked at by other employees in the same department and another department. 

This is a violation of policy. It was brought to the manager's attention that the violation had been viewed by others. The manager blew it off as well as the manager's direct supervisor. 

Employee's suspension lasted three weeks and with pay. It was done. Over. Time to move on. Not so quite. A few weeks ago, a driver from another department approached the said employee about the incident. The driver said that she had allegedly seen the video and DSS was coming to get the employee. The employee told her manager who blew it off as innuendo and rumors. This is harassment and it is being allowed. The only thing the employee had told the other driver was if they had a problem with the policy violation, speak to her direct manager. This employee knew that she has a case of harassment.

There are many things that are happening around us that will eventually be one's own downfall. We have people that break rules, violate the law. It is not allowed to have ear phones for the safety of others. Yet, every day we have people that do it. We have people that violate traffic laws that are specific to our industry. Yet, it still happens. A tragedy will eventually happen. Not an IF, but a WHEN. I am going to make sure that it is told. When we have a safety issue, I TOLD YOU SO. 

People use our equipment for personal use. It is not an UBER! Three months 81 did this. I witnessed it three times. I referred the two of the incidents to management. The third time I knew it was NOT worth it. 7979 and 9191 witnessed 8181 do this for three months. it was not a so-and-so saw this and told us. 7979 and 9191 told 8181 to stop, she would get into trouble. All management did was send out an email stating it was a terminable offense. That was sent out before the third time I witnessed the same incident. 

Management wants things to look good for management. Management gets pissed if there is anything that goes against management in any way. 

There were two open positions in the office. I applied for both of them. The management sent a lead office staff out to do some interviews. Management  had NO INTENT on hiring from our department. Management brought in two people from different departments. Another lead was politically forced to another department. This lead was outspoken and smart. The lead that did the mock interviews is a good little soldier who will do as asked. It is all a legal farse. A facade of management's own innuendos and attitudes. Yet, manager does not take well to out spoken people. 

I question whether these people that were brought in has the credentials that were required for the position in the first place.

It is politics by design. Their own design. The palace will burn and we will encourage the flames.  

2019 Changes Roller Coaster

I can't believe that I have not written in over a year. I've thought about many times. I just never got a chance to sit down to type anything meaningful.

I have changes jobs. I went from a preschool teacher/bus driver to a full time bus driver with a school district in North Carolina. It is with Charlotte Mecklenburg Schools, 18th largest school district in the nation. Last year I drove bus 573. This year is 14. 

I love interacting with students. Even with the same routes everyday, not every day is the same. Some students do not ride the bus, some behavior issues, etc. I do not write up a child unless it is necessary.

I am passionate about being a teacher, even on the bus. I try to work with parents and the school before a write up is necessary. I have one child that I have seen progress with being able to sit down now versus at the beginning on the school year. Woo hoo! Many of my elementary students love to color. I have crayons and paper.

I may be the black sheep on the bus lot, just don't mistake that for a lack of passion and commitment to my students.

If I could drive a school bus every day all day, I would. It would be my ride everywhere. 

I've had a few panic attacks. Not many. My anxiety level has been a roller coaster this school year. I have been worried that I have taken a few steps backward in my peaceful zen. 

Stress of finances, house falling apart, and all the trifling idiots at work. Just so much right now. I wish that we (my mom and I) could just sell the 14 acre property and move to an apartment. Not in Charlotte, Charlotte is pushing a lot of low income families out. Maybe Pineville or a surrounding area. There are many bus lots I can transfer to.

It is fate, keeping the faith, and persistence. Maybe even destiny. Working towards a goal. I am proud to keep my students safe by God's hands and stay sane.

More to come!

Passion for Teaching

It had never been an issue where I was at, I taught someone something new. It usually was adults. Most adults did not want to learn anyway, I still tried. It is in my nature, my whole being is about teaching. I just love teaching. 

I chased after the almighty dollar. I was young and stupid. I did not listen to what life was telling me. I knew I should be a teacher, I just ignored it. If you know your path in life, follow it. It took me so long to finally follow mine.

I am inspired by our youth. Our future is in our teacher’s grasps.  There is so much going on in this world that is traumatic to our children. This trauma, whether it be socioeconomics or familial pain, has caused our children to be negatively reactive to their environment. Teachers receive these reactive children broke down unable to cope with their world they do not understand.

I am appalled by the stories I hear about teacher misconduct. Those that work in education know that there is very little monetary compensation. It is the love and compassion we strive for. What has gone wrong with teachers to make them turn evil? How did these people pass into our schools like a wolf in sheep’s clothing without notice? 

I have been tested to the edge and over the cliff. I have risen again without harm to a child. By the grace of God, I have the patience and stability to love, nurture, and teach children. I am blessed to be a teacher.

I am not, however, your typical teacher. I have manic red hair. I have tattoos. I have multiple ear piercings. I am not to be judged by what I look like. I see children the same way I see myself. We all are a unique piece of art. It is not by the skin to which you wear, it is by the heart and mind that gives you your canvas.

A new teacher's notes

I became a bus monitor for a few days on someone's bus. It was a new experience. Most drivers have a roster of who rides their bus. The monitor will write down when they get on the bus and when they exit. Pretty cool.

I was a substitute for another teacher's class until one of  the teachers came in. Each class has 2 teachers.

Our out-of-control child is getting the best of us. I'm sure the worst is yet to come. There are certain "symptoms" or "behaviors" that is consistent with ADHD; these same things manifest uniquely to the individual child. He has the disorder with other behavioral problems. He is beyond of "having issues", he is full throttle "having problems". 

Everything seems to go as planned. I have become an official assistant teacher with health benefits. I sign up in May!

Positive Things

I worked Wednesday from 7 to 4. I was sent to another department for the day. My department manager and zone manager were talking about me staying in one department for 20 hours and the other department for 20 hours a week. It should give me about 40 hours a week. I was hired for one main department. Even though there is an additional department that is part of my area. It is fine for me to balance between the two departments. I would love to have more hours every week. Although a pay raise would be nice.

It would seem  that my zone manager is prepping me to manage myself in the other department. It is cool with me. I enjoy being a part of a team. There are times when I want to be independent and work by myself. I feel that I can get a lot of tasks done when I am independent. I like to balance it out.

I do see issues ahead.

First, I want to go back to USC-Lancaster to begin courses to finish my bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice. I would like to add Psychology as well. Working full time may pose a time management issue with classes. I might have to work on Sunday afternoons. I feel that I can do it as long as USC and y employer can work with me.

Second, I worry about sales in my main department. A few people slack off a lot. Customers are our main priority. If we can't provide excellent customer service, sales will plummet. Our satisfaction rating will fall as well.  There are two associates that seem to be all-time slackers. One has an attitude problem. There other, well, he seems to forget he has to work, not run his mouth and float around.

Third, it's my crush on Thomas. It's not a issue to me. It might pose one to others if it got out bad. I talked to Thomas briefly Tuesday night. I was in the office with Latoya, Quisha, and Jarman. Thomas came in. I told him we were having a pow-wow. He said something and I said that they should listen to him. Thomas said to take care of me and that I was a trip. Damn straight. He's my sweetheart! All hands off my buddy!

Lastly, one minor issue at best. I hate mornings! I'm a late night owl! Owls are a majestic bird! Beautiful!

Pay it forward throughout the year

Mom and I have Christmas all through the year. We buy ourselves stuff. We buy each other stuff. Not big things. It is just the two of us and our cats. This year we barely decorated. It was a hard Christmas for mom. We are the few family we have left.

I believe that we all should pay it forward. 

Donate your time to those that are in need. Go visit the elderly. Volunteer for the Humane Society. Reduce your clutter and take it to shelters. Everyone can use a blanket or a few clothes. Maybe toys that your kids don't play with anymore.  

The greatest rewards are those that bring joy, peace, and love to others. It isn't just the money that can help others, it is our time and care that mean the most. It leaves a lasting impression.

I also believe that we need to help others. I have seen the smiles and gratitude in the positive things we do for other people. 

Pay it forward people! You will become a better person for it!

When animals attack

..................... This animal attacked me last night...................
It is a gray fox. This animal killed one of the stray cats that I feed. I heard what I thought was a cat fight under the house. Nothing unusual as it were around the house. I went outside and got on to the "cats" about it. The hissing stopped. That is around the time mom got home, 7:30 pm. Mom kept hearing noises under the house. I grabbed the flashlight promising I would not go under the house. I stood at each door under the house and looked. When I go to the third door, I saw what looked like a dog at first. I remembered that I had seen this animal before: it was the elusive fox! I had seen this animal or one like it a few times in the fourteen years I have lived at the house.

I heard a noise that made me think the fox had escaped out of the broken bricks in front of the house. I went around to the front corner thinking about moving the bricks back to cover the hole in the mortar. I did not want it back in. Before I could get my bearings, the fox lunged from the bricks attacking me! I started screaming, my heart was racing, and I kept trying to pull it off me. Luckily, this is a small animal with a small mouth. The fox drew blood from my left foot. I have a few scratches.

My mom came outside which scared the fox back under the house. I told mom what happened. The fox came back out, I pointed to mom that the fox was what attacked me. I had told her I saw a fox a time or two before. The fox ran into the wooded area next to the house. We both heard it make noises. As of today, I am not sure if the fox is back under the house.

Mom took me to the emergency room. I was eager to go out of fear that the fox was rabid. I was treated for the bit wound on my foot. The doctor injected my foot with a rabies shot around the wounds. It hurt like hell! I received six more shots in the ass, one in my left arm, and one in my right arm. I received a total of eight shots for rabies and one tetanus shot for good measure. Nine shots total along with about five weeks of treatment. Treatment means I get more shots! The doctor called animal control last night which mom spoke to them. I spoke to animal control this morning. I was told animal control does not capture wild animals. Department of Environmental Control (DHEC) has to be called.

I have respect for nature. Nature can be beautiful as well as brutal. As a human, I cannot begin to find a true logical reason for why the animal attacked me. Sometimes nature's instincts cannot be explained in a logical manner. I have tried to be logical which has been unsuccessful as of yet.

I did not wish to kill the animal as my heart would not allow such a hinderance. All I wanted to do was to get the animal off and away from me. I do have some residual fear of the fox coming after me again. It is fairly certain that my reaction is normal, albeit a bit unusual.

Most people would be certain of them selves that they would kill it when it attacked or hunt it down to kill it. I do not believe in hunting because it has become a mindless sport. People hunt because they want to, not of necessity. Many tribes, past and present, have hunted for survival. These tribes have killed to feed their family and to use as much of the animal remnants as possible. In today's time, hunters kill and use very little leaving the remnants to rot or eaten by scavengers. This is not helpful to scavenging animals because they will become tame, unable to hunt for themselves. Hunting is a mindless sport that does nothing overall but feed on human instincts to kill.

I know I went into a rant, I felt it necessary. I have an unpleasant experience to gain knowledge from. I hope that others will respect nature and the boundaries between nature and humans.

Beautiful Snow

The snow was gorgeous. If it were not cold, I would have stood out in it. I love the magnitude of nature's beauty when it is unexpected and pure. Snow is an infrequent guest in the south. I love it when I see some!

Animals in the snow

There are several cats and several racoons that come to eat on a nightly basis. We had snow several nights ago and only a few of the animals came out to eat.









This is the racoon that was brave enough to forage for food. There are usually between two and five racoons eating. I guess only one was brave enough to get some!

This is one of the stray cats that get fed on the deck on a nightly basis.