Elections

HOLY HELL WHAT IS HAPPENING TO OUR COUNTRY?

I have not heard a definitive agenda of either shit storm party yet. Donald Trump? Really?

HOLY SHIT. For a rare moment in my smartass history, I am stumped as to anything to say to this twilight zone election.

TWILIGHT ZONE featuring Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton.

I will have to say that I would vote for Hilary Clinton on the sole fact she has experience as a first Lady. It's the lesser of two evils.

Donald Trump is a short fuse. Personal opinions doesn't always make the best public decisions for the masses.

This is a shock. No wait. Brexit. That was a shock, too. God please bless us all. A wild ride.

New Job

It has been a good while since I've posted. . Quite a few things have gone on since I posted last.

I work for Wal-Mart. I did two phone interviews for the new Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market that is opening up close to the one I work at. I jumped into a position that I did not ask questions about.

I was offered a position in the accounting office. I did not ask questions. It's a "shoot first and ask questions later" scenerio. Come to find out, there are a few  things that I don't like. The hours are from 5:00 AM to 2:00 PM. The supposed pay raise is only a nickel. A nickel, really!?!?!

I mean, everything has been so disorganized from the get-go. I have no schedule. I mean, I show up when the f*ck I feel up to it. Not! I just hate not clocking in and not having a schedule! What if something happens? Yeah, Wal-Mart will be saying "f**k you" if something happened.

Anyway, I have been training at my store for a month now. My store was closed Christmas! 364 days a year folks. Yep. That's the new era of stores. The new store is supposed to be 24 hours. Woo!

Anyway, I will be going to the new store in a week or two. All this has lead to a lot of personal issues. More on that in a different post.

Passing Through

I’ve been having a hard time with my emotions lately. I want to cry every time I go in to work. I’m worried I will run into Thomas. I just want to cry when I see him. It takes me a while to recover my crying spell to being happy. After I do recover, I feel fine and dandy. Ron ran into his old flame from high school a while back. He is dating her now. That throws me out of the game to try to date him.  I feel screwed all the way around on romance at work and in general life. Thomas is still nice to me. I have really been trying to avoid him in order to keep myself from crying. I fell so damn hard for him. I still can’t quite understand what happened to me emotionally. I am curious as to his twin brother. I’d like to know if he is single.

I dropped off my readmission application to USC-Lancaster on Friday. I tried applying at another store of the same company. It seems I can’t do it right now. I’ve been working for the same company 3.5 months now. It will be 6 months at the end of September. I asked for a Saturday off which my boss granted. My typical weekend is Saturday s work and Sunday s off. The first weekend in August is opposite because of my day off request. At least I got that much.

Thursday night I had a severe emotional anxiety attack. I enjoy working evenings during the week. There isn’t many customers late at night. Ron and Mike left. It hit me like a ton of bricks. A sudden fear of loneliness and despair made me want to cry. When my severe anxiety and panic hits me , I can bottle it up into tears. It is my negative psychological response to what is happening to me. After my shift ended, I called in sick Friday. I just could not deal with it. All of the anxiety and panic is making it very hard for me to function at work. Now that I am suffering from a self-induced heartbreak, it is so much worse. I need to seek counseling.

Mom and I went to several Goodwill stores Saturday. I had fun. Mom wanted to stop at Hobby Lobby. We did not get a chance to because I had to be at work late that afternoon. Mom started to get depressed. Sunday we went to church. We had brunch at Cook-Out. She got depressed again as the tears started flowing. I feel so helpless when she has those feelings. I feel helpless when I have severe anxiety and depression as well. We went to Aldi and Wal-Mart.  It had been raining on and off all weekend.

I feel as though I am only passing through this life. What I truly want is out of my grasp.  I want Thomas which is something I can’t seem to have. I want to finish my Bachelor’s degree, which may be difficult to obtain. I want to have children, which my integrity stands in the way of sleeping around. Sometimes ethics and morality suck. I want mom to be happy and I feel helpless to help her. I would love to see her find someone that will love and cherish her. Neither one of us socializes much.  I want more tattoos and a person to ink my skin. Think like a friend with benefits situation. Yeah, does not seem to want to happen now does it?  It seems that I am eternally damned to be miserable. Hope breeds misery.

Commercialism

I hope everyone has had a serene holiday. 

It is time now to vent. 

I've been through the madness of the season. Increased traffic, madness inside stores, sour attitudes, and a host of crazy stupid people.

The holiday season is meant to celebrate the triumph of Christian ideology and family traditions of ole. 

We close stores early. Wee little ones eagerly await the arrival of Santa Claus on Christmas day. Sleep is very eluding in lieu of the anxious imp. 

The aroma of food and family enlighten the home with joy, happiness, and fulfillment. Family get-togethers are meaningful to the holiday season.

The traditions of family and many cultures always bring meaning to the holiday season. Irregardless of your beliefs, culture, or religion, the holidays are meant to bring peace and family together.

Why is it that stores are open beyond what is considered normal? Why do we need to spend money on things that we may use only a few times during the year? Things will sit in closets and every nook n' cranny of our houses collecting dust. Then the next holiday we beg for something new. It will collect dust with the other stuff that we have neglected throughout the year.

Many of us do not have a lot of family left. There are some people that commit suicide during the holidays because it is basically too much of a burden. Homeless people sit on street corners or in shelters with no one. 

Animals live where ever they can find a place to stay dry. Sometimes they are lucky enough to be in a good shelter.

You stand in line with the newest toys and the latest fashions. For what? Nothing! If you're lucky the toys and clothes will be used. It may end up broke and begin collecting dust like all the rest.

Here is some advice for all you who go through the Commercialized chaos of the holiday season: save your money!

Donate your time and unused items to the animals and people who are in shelters. Go spend time with the elderly who may never have any visitors. Why should we let people die alone and be alone. 

Commercialism equals asshole-ism. We are so needy, egotistical, and money driven that we ignore those that need us the most. We can take our spirit with us as we depart this physical plane. Not even one item will be allowed on that journey.

The greatest rewards are those that bring joy, peace, and love to others. It isn't just the money that can help others, it is our time and care that mean the most. It leaves a lasting impression. 

Holiday madness!

The holidays have gotten quite bizarre over the last few decades. I'd say the last twenty years at least! One radio station is playing Christmas music already! Thanksgiving is not quite here even! Wow! I see Christmas decorations out, music playing, and the looney tunes have come out. Any other time of year, it is a safe place to live. As the holidays approach, people seem to go off their crazy pills and go completely bizarre! It is a constant fight to get anywhere!

I do not shop for anyone anymore. I send my holiday cards out and my merry wishes for a great new year! There are no children in the house to shop for. All I want to do is get my necessary shopping done. I do not want any extras, no fights, and definitely not a night in jail because a looney tune decided to get hostile! This is what the holidays have come to: COMMERCIALISM! It is all about the buying, not the pure joy of the season.

I am old enough to remember the days when stores weren't open on Sundays. We ate at home most of the time. There may have been a few home town restaraunts open to get a low-cost Sunday dinner. We went to church on Sundays. You can shop at Wal-Mart 24 hours a day any day of the week. There are extended hours everywhere, black fridays after Thanksgiving, and high gas prices which are ridiculous!

I am so tired of dealing with all the bizarre craziness of the holiday season! I have wondered if there is a place that this madness did not exist. If there is, please let me know. I'd love to spend my holidays there instead of this bizarre world that is called "the holidays" - is it just me?

I am truly wishing upon a star that I can survive the madness.