This is the racoon that was brave enough to forage for food. There are usually between two and five racoons eating. I guess only one was brave enough to get some!
This is one of the stray cats that get fed on the deck on a nightly basis.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Animals in the snow
There are several cats and several racoons that come to eat on a nightly basis. We had snow several nights ago and only a few of the animals came out to eat.
This is the racoon that was brave enough to forage for food. There are usually between two and five racoons eating. I guess only one was brave enough to get some!
This is the racoon that was brave enough to forage for food. There are usually between two and five racoons eating. I guess only one was brave enough to get some!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Almost Famous
Well, what can I say that would make this any less funny than it already is ?!?!?! Ah, nothing.
I wrote in to the Dr. Oz show (http://www.doctoroz.com) with the thought that maybe my mother and I could be on the show. We both have health problems. Dr. Oz was doing quite a few shows on various topics. We were one of the finalists, but, nay we did not win over the producers. I was not aiming towards that anyway. This is one of the more respectable shows on the telly.
Needless to say, if you have ever been an american couch potato, you probably have seen the Jerry Springer Show or the Maury Show at some point. I am not talking about baby mamas or DNA drama. Just old-fashioned medical information show. I still respect Dr Oz and his team of experts. There are no bitch fights or gay drama or faux pax weddings.
Maybe one day my karma and fate will align and I will have a respect outside of my own wee dark world!
I wrote in to the Dr. Oz show (http://www.doctoroz.com) with the thought that maybe my mother and I could be on the show. We both have health problems. Dr. Oz was doing quite a few shows on various topics. We were one of the finalists, but, nay we did not win over the producers. I was not aiming towards that anyway. This is one of the more respectable shows on the telly.
Needless to say, if you have ever been an american couch potato, you probably have seen the Jerry Springer Show or the Maury Show at some point. I am not talking about baby mamas or DNA drama. Just old-fashioned medical information show. I still respect Dr Oz and his team of experts. There are no bitch fights or gay drama or faux pax weddings.
Maybe one day my karma and fate will align and I will have a respect outside of my own wee dark world!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Lone Wolf
As long as I have been on this earth, I still manage to feel fucked and overwhelmed. I have been having a lot of strange dreams lately, mostly of my family. I am full of fear and dread, I gain weight without trying, and I walk alone in a world full of people. I am abandoned, alone in the world. . . . .waiting. On what, I do not know really. Although I could point out so many things, but yet they are so trivial and meaningless! I wish it would snow here, at least for a little while.
The cold snags my soul without mercy in this cold weather. Next month, on the 28th, marks my grandmother's passing during the only true snow storm we had here. She will have been gone six long years as the days pass without memory. Everything fades into one another, sinking into the abyss. I line that I remember fondly - there are things that go bump in the night, we are the ones that bump back. I think I pretty much paraphrased it. I think some people sink into the dark abyss below, while otherd walk in the shadows away from the sun.
AS long as I am alive, I will walk in the shadows alone with strength, yet fear. One day, maybe another lone wolf or several, will be there walking with me.
The cold snags my soul without mercy in this cold weather. Next month, on the 28th, marks my grandmother's passing during the only true snow storm we had here. She will have been gone six long years as the days pass without memory. Everything fades into one another, sinking into the abyss. I line that I remember fondly - there are things that go bump in the night, we are the ones that bump back. I think I pretty much paraphrased it. I think some people sink into the dark abyss below, while otherd walk in the shadows away from the sun.
AS long as I am alive, I will walk in the shadows alone with strength, yet fear. One day, maybe another lone wolf or several, will be there walking with me.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Familial Sorrow
My sorrow used to define me. It still does with no utter blame to lay at one's dirty feet. It has taken me a while to think about the sorrow and put into words. Sometimes it can be the hardest thing to do.
I visited my grandmother's grave on a trip to Georgia in November. My mother and I had other plans, we made time to lay flowers for her honor. The darkness of morning still loomed before dawn. This was the first time I had visited since, well, I do not remember. There was a more decernable death amongst the soil that I had not encountered before. As much as I refuse to understand, death is nothing but the rare certainty of human life. All else fails to make certain, death is always there patiently waiting. I always held a strong belief that it is a bad omen to step onto someone's final resting area. I will always heed that belief out of respect and humility.
My sorrow does not end there.
I visited my father and his new wife, K. I felt no connection with my father now as I had always never felt growing up. My father and his wife live in my great grandmother's house. He has renovated it. The house held a lot of memories. My great grandmother is my father's grand mother. Even after my grandparents divorce, my great grand mother always considered my grandmother a part of the family. The house has been forever changed and the sorrow just keeps flowing. I say words that do not hold any sacred meaning. My father has grandchildren, not by me! His wife's daughter has three. I do not know her at all. I don't know the wife either.
Keep it rolling. . . .
My grandfather used to have me as his beneficiary. I no longer hold that position. He is still my grandfather no matter how many emotional implosions occur. I only know this out of his blatantly telling me this. I did not ask, I will not give him ammunition for ire. What will my father do to that house? My grandmother lived there, my deceased uncle lived there, and I stayed there for a while. The house holds what memories I cannot.
I have memories that are locked in Pandora's Box. I do not wish to open; however, it does not have the strongest lock! One word aches my heart and flows the tears is abandonment. It seems as if this was the finality of the family - of my connections to the long departed. What irony this is, the finality of will and emotions. The last little string seems to have been cut. I do not consider genetics to be a part of this equation. There is no answer, not a logical one anyway. I do not know what is worse, knowing how much of a bastard my father was to utterly give my life permanent disfunction or not knowing a father. I essentially had both at different stages of my life.
My father is my father genetically. Sorrow is a powerful force that will not leave. It is like a heart or lung, a long requirement for a life that will not fully recover. I have tried to make a life worth living which I have been successful and I am grateful.
Sorrow is destitute, a life long journey into an abyss you know. I have hope that I may move forward with a different familial circle.
I visited my grandmother's grave on a trip to Georgia in November. My mother and I had other plans, we made time to lay flowers for her honor. The darkness of morning still loomed before dawn. This was the first time I had visited since, well, I do not remember. There was a more decernable death amongst the soil that I had not encountered before. As much as I refuse to understand, death is nothing but the rare certainty of human life. All else fails to make certain, death is always there patiently waiting. I always held a strong belief that it is a bad omen to step onto someone's final resting area. I will always heed that belief out of respect and humility.
My sorrow does not end there.
I visited my father and his new wife, K. I felt no connection with my father now as I had always never felt growing up. My father and his wife live in my great grandmother's house. He has renovated it. The house held a lot of memories. My great grandmother is my father's grand mother. Even after my grandparents divorce, my great grand mother always considered my grandmother a part of the family. The house has been forever changed and the sorrow just keeps flowing. I say words that do not hold any sacred meaning. My father has grandchildren, not by me! His wife's daughter has three. I do not know her at all. I don't know the wife either.
Keep it rolling. . . .
My grandfather used to have me as his beneficiary. I no longer hold that position. He is still my grandfather no matter how many emotional implosions occur. I only know this out of his blatantly telling me this. I did not ask, I will not give him ammunition for ire. What will my father do to that house? My grandmother lived there, my deceased uncle lived there, and I stayed there for a while. The house holds what memories I cannot.
I have memories that are locked in Pandora's Box. I do not wish to open; however, it does not have the strongest lock! One word aches my heart and flows the tears is abandonment. It seems as if this was the finality of the family - of my connections to the long departed. What irony this is, the finality of will and emotions. The last little string seems to have been cut. I do not consider genetics to be a part of this equation. There is no answer, not a logical one anyway. I do not know what is worse, knowing how much of a bastard my father was to utterly give my life permanent disfunction or not knowing a father. I essentially had both at different stages of my life.
My father is my father genetically. Sorrow is a powerful force that will not leave. It is like a heart or lung, a long requirement for a life that will not fully recover. I have tried to make a life worth living which I have been successful and I am grateful.
Sorrow is destitute, a life long journey into an abyss you know. I have hope that I may move forward with a different familial circle.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Lack of friendship on my part
My best friend invited me to her wedding on Halloween. I was three and a half hours late! I mixed up the times. I can't believe that I was that blind sided by my own stupidity by not checking the invitation for accurate times! My mom and I planned to dress up in costumes. We had our costumes on all day to make sure we weren't late. My friend anticipated our presence. We had been planning this for a month! My friend needed an RSVP for everyone so she could make arrangements for food and supplies! I cried in the car after we spent hours looking for her house to drop off her gifts as well as see her for a few moments. I got her phone number from her father and talked to her for a few minutes. I explained why I wasn't there as anticipated. She was cleaning up after the reception. I told her we'd meet up later and I would talk to her later.
A first wedding is so special and very important. When you are invited to a wedding, it is a privilege and an honor. I feel as if I had let her down by being a no-show. I did not want her to feel as if I drop-kicked her to the curb. I missed a special event in my best friend's life. That is something I won't have in my memory. This would be my first wedding attendance. I am still upset thinking about it, let alone posting it so the world would know how shitty I had been.
Life will go on. I hope that she can forgive me for being a hole of an ass!
A first wedding is so special and very important. When you are invited to a wedding, it is a privilege and an honor. I feel as if I had let her down by being a no-show. I did not want her to feel as if I drop-kicked her to the curb. I missed a special event in my best friend's life. That is something I won't have in my memory. This would be my first wedding attendance. I am still upset thinking about it, let alone posting it so the world would know how shitty I had been.
Life will go on. I hope that she can forgive me for being a hole of an ass!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Winter Wish
I hope Fall's brisk weather is a prelude to a white year end! This would be the most beautiful and surreal visions of the year.Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Unemployed Desperation
http://www.bls.gov/web/laumstrk.htm
As an unemployed adult, life went downhill fast. I am on a roller coaster ride to hell in a stock car race. I face many financial obstacles, specifically related to health care. I have doctor's offices filing my accounts with collection agencies. The family bills pile up. All I can do it ignore until I can pay. Take a damn number!
I am fortunate to find two health clinics that have a sliding scale that fits my budget. Obama is trying to provide better health care for this country. I can completely go psycho babble on some of the wrongs with health care, but I will save that for another blog.
My lavish lifestyle (which was still considered meager by the wealthy) was within my low excitibility. Although I did have many high dollar wants, those were just passing fancies. We always strive for the things that seem unattainable! I still try to live up to some of that style to dire consequences. I just cannot afford it. I do plenty of window shopping as I look for jobs.
I am a person in their thirties who have two associates degrees and a third almost complete. I am one of hte many who has to go outside of their skills and comfort zone to find a job. Not to say there isn't anything WRONG in working at a fast food restaurant. I have always thought of those jobs exclusively for retirees, high school students, and those who never graduated high school. I am not talking about the older generations who know what true hard labor is. My grandparents age (sixties & seventies & up) had hard choices. Some of those choices meant drop out of school to make money. There is no excuse for the younger generations!
People are taking fast food jobs while leaving the high school students and retirees in their dust. It's the desperation of the economy. I heard it is getting better. Well, mr-assholes-who-say-that, it ain't gonna get better until we all go back to work! I have advice for the rich and wealthy: send me some of your money because you don't need it! If not me, set up a fund for the unemployed!
People are getting desperate. We are turning to crime and easy cash. We sell our heirlooms, assets, and anything that will give us a few extra dollars in our pockets. We take and pilfer from people and places. We vandalize as we go and don't think to cover it up. For those that do, well, let's say they got caught anyway - stupid!
I have thoughts of what I could sell to put some cash in the family pocket. I have turned to some government programs that could help me. Many times have I failed to find relief. I find that karma is a good way to get your ass kicked. The best way is the honest way and it will come when you need it the most, not when you want it.
As one of the many of the desperately unemployed, I will take any job even if it is a fast food joint. I will put away my pride and find a way to earn a paycheck, not the unemployment line. Now it is time to start filling out those applications!
As an unemployed adult, life went downhill fast. I am on a roller coaster ride to hell in a stock car race. I face many financial obstacles, specifically related to health care. I have doctor's offices filing my accounts with collection agencies. The family bills pile up. All I can do it ignore until I can pay. Take a damn number!
I am fortunate to find two health clinics that have a sliding scale that fits my budget. Obama is trying to provide better health care for this country. I can completely go psycho babble on some of the wrongs with health care, but I will save that for another blog.
My lavish lifestyle (which was still considered meager by the wealthy) was within my low excitibility. Although I did have many high dollar wants, those were just passing fancies. We always strive for the things that seem unattainable! I still try to live up to some of that style to dire consequences. I just cannot afford it. I do plenty of window shopping as I look for jobs.
I am a person in their thirties who have two associates degrees and a third almost complete. I am one of hte many who has to go outside of their skills and comfort zone to find a job. Not to say there isn't anything WRONG in working at a fast food restaurant. I have always thought of those jobs exclusively for retirees, high school students, and those who never graduated high school. I am not talking about the older generations who know what true hard labor is. My grandparents age (sixties & seventies & up) had hard choices. Some of those choices meant drop out of school to make money. There is no excuse for the younger generations!
People are taking fast food jobs while leaving the high school students and retirees in their dust. It's the desperation of the economy. I heard it is getting better. Well, mr-assholes-who-say-that, it ain't gonna get better until we all go back to work! I have advice for the rich and wealthy: send me some of your money because you don't need it! If not me, set up a fund for the unemployed!
People are getting desperate. We are turning to crime and easy cash. We sell our heirlooms, assets, and anything that will give us a few extra dollars in our pockets. We take and pilfer from people and places. We vandalize as we go and don't think to cover it up. For those that do, well, let's say they got caught anyway - stupid!
I have thoughts of what I could sell to put some cash in the family pocket. I have turned to some government programs that could help me. Many times have I failed to find relief. I find that karma is a good way to get your ass kicked. The best way is the honest way and it will come when you need it the most, not when you want it.
As one of the many of the desperately unemployed, I will take any job even if it is a fast food joint. I will put away my pride and find a way to earn a paycheck, not the unemployment line. Now it is time to start filling out those applications!
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