I am still crushing on Thomas. I know, I know. It
gets old.
I have heart palpitations, I can’t seem to talk to him. I don’t understand
these feelings I am having. It is very scary for me. I’ve had crushes before,
none like this. I just want to cry. How can I be myself when I can barely speak normally and not feel so out
of touch?
All I want to do at work when Thomas is there is
hang out with him. I want to stare at him, ask questions about him, and talk
about stuff.
Of course I feel like blabbing everything about me
to him. Except my dark, gothic side. I’m not into any wild, dark kinky weird
shit. I love metal and metal heads. Tattoos of course. I would get his name
tattooed on me somewhere of his choosing.
I have plans today. Make a car payment, pay my phone
bill, and join a gym. I need to lose 70 pounds. I am starting at 70 to get me
started on losing weight and getting some muscle. I do not want to look bulky
or anything similar. I just want to lose weight so maybe I can have a better
chance with Thomas.
Maybe one day he can read my blogs about him.
Yesterday he talked to me. My heart fluttered. I was in such a good mood. I
hate being so shy! I just can’t seem to tell him. I get choked up, I want to
cry, my anxiety is through the roof, and I say all the wrong things around him.
Yeah, that is the scope of it right now.
I need to quit before I get all antsy and pass out!
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