Lack of friendship on my part

My best friend invited me to her wedding on Halloween. I was three and a half hours late! I mixed up the times. I can't believe that I was that blind sided by my own stupidity by not checking the invitation for accurate times! My mom and I planned to dress up in costumes. We had our costumes on all day to make sure we weren't late. My friend anticipated our presence. We had been planning this for a month! My friend needed an RSVP for everyone so she could make arrangements for food and supplies! I cried in the car after we spent hours looking for her house to drop off her gifts as well as see her for a few moments. I got her phone number from her father and talked to her for a few minutes. I explained why I wasn't there as anticipated. She was cleaning up after the reception. I told her we'd meet up later and I would talk to her later.

A first wedding is so special and very important. When you are invited to a wedding, it is a privilege and an honor. I feel as if I had let her down by being a no-show. I did not want her to feel as if I drop-kicked her to the curb. I missed a special event in my best friend's life. That is something I won't have in my memory. This would be my first wedding attendance. I am still upset thinking about it, let alone posting it so the world would know how shitty I had been.

Life will go on. I hope that she can forgive me for being a hole of an ass!

Winter Wish

I hope Fall's brisk weather is a prelude to a white year end! This would be the most beautiful and surreal visions of the year.

Unemployed Desperation

http://www.bls.gov/web/laumstrk.htm

As an unemployed adult, life went downhill fast. I am on a roller coaster ride to hell in a stock car race. I face many financial obstacles, specifically related to health care. I have doctor's offices filing my accounts with collection agencies. The family bills pile up. All I can do it ignore until I can pay. Take a damn number!

I am fortunate to find two health clinics that have a sliding scale that fits my budget. Obama is trying to provide better health care for this country. I can completely go psycho babble on some of the wrongs with health care, but I will save that for another blog.

My lavish lifestyle (which was still considered meager by the wealthy) was within my low excitibility. Although I did have many high dollar wants, those were just passing fancies. We always strive for the things that seem unattainable! I still try to live up to some of that style to dire consequences. I just cannot afford it. I do plenty of window shopping as I look for jobs.

I am a person in their thirties who have two associates degrees and a third almost complete. I am one of hte many who has to go outside of their skills and comfort zone to find a job. Not to say there isn't anything WRONG in working at a fast food restaurant. I have always thought of those jobs exclusively for retirees, high school students, and those who never graduated high school. I am not talking about the older generations who know what true hard labor is. My grandparents age (sixties & seventies & up) had hard choices. Some of those choices meant drop out of school to make money. There is no excuse for the younger generations!

People are taking fast food jobs while leaving the high school students and retirees in their dust. It's the desperation of the economy. I heard it is getting better. Well, mr-assholes-who-say-that, it ain't gonna get better until we all go back to work! I have advice for the rich and wealthy: send me some of your money because you don't need it! If not me, set up a fund for the unemployed!

People are getting desperate. We are turning to crime and easy cash. We sell our heirlooms, assets, and anything that will give us a few extra dollars in our pockets. We take and pilfer from people and places. We vandalize as we go and don't think to cover it up. For those that do, well, let's say they got caught anyway - stupid!

I have thoughts of what I could sell to put some cash in the family pocket. I have turned to some government programs that could help me. Many times have I failed to find relief. I find that karma is a good way to get your ass kicked. The best way is the honest way and it will come when you need it the most, not when you want it.

As one of the many of the desperately unemployed, I will take any job even if it is a fast food joint. I will put away my pride and find a way to earn a paycheck, not the unemployment line. Now it is time to start filling out those applications!

Religion (part 1)

For many years of dark solitude, I have been discouraged by christianity. By my own ignorance and blatant stupidity. My mom and I have rejoined the christian community this year. On a very deep intellectual level, I want to understand the bible, I never read it. I slightly know Psalms 25. If I understand the bible, I am can make an arguement on my behalf. I am a dark entity even as I walk into church every Sunday morning. I never lost my faith in God. The church has been a disgrace and a dishonor to an honest faith of the people. This is where my disdain lies. Many elders and preachers and the like have corrupted young children within the corporate worship of church. Religion is a personal walk with Jesus Christ as an individual, not as a cult or fascist government.

My dark solitude seems to be part of the core of my personality. I feel as though I can balance the spectrum once I have a greater understanding of christianity. We will see as the months roll on regarding this issue.

Chosen Paths

There are many paths to choose in this physical life. My heart and soul are taking a new path as I have allowed this new freedom. The doors that have closed and those that have been ajar have lost an appeal. Maybe a break is due from these wretched sins! A sense of loneliness, despairity linger within. An angry little girl watching the world around her begging for her own happiness. Fear, rather irrational, cause quite thet concern amongst the whispering public. I seem to have failed at social emotionalism quite long ago. Social isolation has created frankenstein in lamb's clothing. I no longer seem to care nor act as if so when I am in public. Horror as it is has been quite disturbing to my soul. This bears me somewhat toward obscure paths for my dark nature. The paths that I am walking may lead to happiness. I presume, rather assume, that is will. History has shown that many new paths have not. Some of which were my fault, some others. May the journey take me to new places . . . peace be with you!

I think that this sums up a lot of shit in life.

Precious (the cat)

This is Precious. He is the oldest of the four cats. He picks on Buster too much. He purr talks. He will meow and purr at the same time! It is so adorable. He thinks he is the alpha cat in the house. Oh well, I let him think it! He is spoiled!