Guy Crush

Thomas.
Tall, handsome, smart, just all around cool guy. Doesn't do fruit.

I've been crushing on this guy for a few weeks.

Last night was different.

He is going on vay-cay (vacation). Wow, my eye candy not around.

I got off at 7. He got off at 8. I didn't feel like going home. I stayed at work looking for Thomas. A bit stalkish I know. I just wanted to know what car he drove. Still don't quite know.

I just wanted to cry. Panic. Fear. All set in about 5:30. I was the only one in my department for an hour or so. I got flustered, no one was there to tell me to breathe. I was having a panic attack. I was fine after Andy came in. After I got to my car, it all set in again. I have been doing good until now.

Shame and doubt. Fear and vulnerability. Self-esteem at a low point.

I'm trying to lose weight myself. I've made a commitment and have lost a few pounds already. I want to be skinnier. Not too skinny. Still want to have some meat on my bones.

I am having trouble dealing with my emotions. This guy I hardly know has somehow twisted me all out of shape.

Passionate. Emotional. Raw. Tell-it-like-it-is. Smart-ass. Comical. Loyal. Spontaneous. Loving. Painfully shy at times. Hardened exterior.

Why is it so hard for me to find a guy like Thomas? I am so "wanting-to-know-more" about him, it is driving me crazy.

This crush is intense. I may be obsessive, never will I stalk anyone. My emotions are intense. Fighting back tears as I post this. Not sure what is happening to me. Wish I could bounce it off people. No one is around to do that.

Just want feedback.

Summer is brutal!

I hate summer.

I have no A/C in my car. Heat equals death.

That is all.

Animals

Animals deserve respect, not cruelty. Stand up for your beliefs. Have courage to be vocal. Be their voice. Make the abusers fear you and all others who stand up for them.

Work

I am working at a local Wal-Mart.

Just glad to be working. So many bills that I need to pay. So, if you are in the area, stop by the electronics department and say hi.

Crazy, but true.

Employment - January 2014

Unemployed and disappointed.

I've had 2 job interviews in two weeks.

I'm at a point where I feel disillusioned and depressed.

I constantly ask myself what is wrong with me. I try to be perky and social. I just do not have the demeanor for that.

I'm totally OCD and anxious. I fear social situations. I'm weird. Ok, I get it. It has been too long since I was out in the real world. I've lost my touch.

Ok, I need to get a grip.  

Current Wave of job hunting.

I've had much to say and lack of energy to post it.

Things are a bit heavy at home.

No job, still looking. I mean, WTH is happening to the economy? Hell! I am a passionate person (to a fault)who is loyal (to a fault) and easy to get along with.

Everything is viewed on the internet. Resumes, applications, and personal history. What happened to face-to-face conversations? Is it that lack-of-giving-a-shit attitude?

I am so ready to work. Can someone please help?