Childless mother

According to Google . . . . . .

Fate is the development of events beyond a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power. Destiny is the events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future. So, it seems fate has more control than destiny.

 

I am almost 40 years old. I’ve been an introvert most of my life. I’ve never been on a formal date with a guy. I am single with no children. My maternal need for children is strong. I have realized that certain things will not happen to me. Things such as marriage and children. My heart hurts and breaks at this. I have been trying to find some resolve to this fact. It is not working. I’ve been looking at men in a different perspective lately. This drive is very saddening for me. It scares me so much that I will lose the opportunity.

 

My life has had so many detours. Some have been my own doing. Others have not been. I’ve come a long way since I was a teenager.

 

I am not a whore nor am I promiscuous in any way. I don’t believe in having sex with a stranger just to create a child. I am a bit more old-fashioned than I ever imagined myself to be. I want to be in love with a guy and have a family. It is a hard task that will never leave my bucket list.

 

The sorrow is very overwhelming. The drive is just as overwhelming.

 

I want to feel what it is like to be pregnant. To hold my child after birth knowing I have such a precious gift. My heart says that I will be a great mother.

 

I am not sure if I want to work in the education field because of this strong desire. I will never take a child away from his mother unless the child is in immediate danger.

 

It just hurts.