Profound moment

I had a profound moment this past weekend. I truly understood what it means to struggle alone. It was a deeply emotional moment.

My mom and I dug a hole in our yard to find a busted pipe. Our water was off 4 days. We dug 4 days. The pipe was eventually found and repaired with a fiberglass tape. We called a few people to help and offered to pay them a little bit for their time. No shows and no calls. No one bothered.

My mom and I have been struggling with home repairs and finances for several years. House is falling apart faster than we can fix it. We are in more debt than we were before the economy soured.

We don’t get out much. Mom and I watch TV at home. Sometimes we go to the movies or to the bookstore. Maybe to Goodwill to donate some of our clutter. I may find a book or a movie to watch.

I have long quit asking for help. People won’t help at all. People that know me should know that I am not a taker and not give back. I am too much of a caring person. I care too much with no one to give me that care back. I believe it is part of the empathic soul I have.

Here is the profound moment.

It takes more courage to live, rather than to die. Dying is the easy part. How much courage it takes to live is the truth of one’s soul. The trials and tribulations of one’s life and the ability to be on the other side of it is courageous enough. But, to do it alone, that can be more than a person may be able to handle. If one can handle that, along with the struggles of life, it shows the person’s character. Character of a person is as meaningful as their soul. Even if a person walks alone in this life, courage will keep them moving.  

Courage comes from faith. Not everything is black and white (one way or the other). There much more grey shading than ever before. Faith gives us courage to walk forward. God, Jesus, Christ, Savior . . . gives us that courage because we have faith that allows us to move forward.

I see so much beauty in the reality of so much evil. This evil makes us anxious and fearful. I watch the deer in the yard grazing on grass. Rabbits hop across the yard. Birds sing. Squirrels scrounge for food.

I am a better person than I was. I am aware of how much I have overcome. I am still a work in progress. I have a heart for helping people. I am a puzzle piece that does not fit anywhere.