I have learned that my grandfather on my father's side has cancer. It is late stage and ha spread to other organs. The doctor says he has six months if that long. He is not doing well right now. I had planned on going to see him, it did not turn out that way today.
I am not sure how I feel on this grave matter. I feel sorrow for his suffering. He had become an asshole for most of my life. I do not wish to dump him in a grave and leave him. He deserves better than that at least. I would not do that to my father as well even when he became an asshole, too.
My father was an abusive alcoholic. I hated him for years for the way he treated my mother and I. My grandfather always acted like my father did nothing wrong. I have learned to forgive my father to resolve my inner turmoil. I needed to find inner peace, balance, and personal growth. I could never move on with my own spiritual life with all the turmoil within.
My father and grandfather broke that family bond with me a long time ago. It can never be restored. I will not kick neither of them into a shallow grave and leave them be. Karma is a nasty bitch. I would rather their soul be rested as their shell of a body lay in respect instead of being haunted by their unrestful souls.
I do not want to see him suffering. I nee to let him know I came to see him before he passes on. I hope his soul has not left yet. I watched mama suffer for a long time before she passed on. I knew in the end she was already gone.
My grandmother (on my father's side) and my mom raised me. Even before my parent's divorce she was there helping my mom with me. I was a troubled teen. I had lost my way. I am a work in progress.
Life is always changing. I hope that I can grow spiritually with all the passages that happen in life.
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