I Spent time with my grandfather today. I did post a
bit of sentiment on Facebook:
It's a raw emotional moment. Just need to express in words. Heading
back to South Carolina. I spent six hours with my grandfather. It could very well
be the last time I see him. He has cancer in several of his organs and lymph
nodes. He battled lung cancer years back. He was confused and very short of
breath. I'm glad he knew who mom and I were. Families can become dysfunctional
for whatever reasons. Mine was less than par. Still. I would not throw him away
no matter how he might have acted. No matter how I felt about him. He is still
family. I will stand up. I will give him dignity and peace. I will ask God to take
him with my heart in tow. I will remember catching lightning bugs at my
grandparent's house during the good times of my young childhood. I love him in
all of my heart. Forgiveness. Sorrow. Blessed. He is 80. Blessed. No matter
what life brings us. No matter what our family situation is, there is blessing
in something. I may not see it now, I will in time. You will see it in your
life. In my sorrow, I hope that you all see blessings in your life. They are
there. God bless you. My family. My friends.
As mom and I drove back from Taccoa, I have a wave
of emotion come over me. I wanted to move back to Lavonia. I’m not sure if I am
holding on to the memories of my youth. The urge was fleeting as we got on the
interstate to head back home. I remember seeing my parents, grandparents, and
my uncle sitting around the table at my grandparents’ house when I was a child.
I wanted to live in my grandfather’s house and have a garden in the back yard.
I want to hold on to that part of my life that was positive and much freedom.
It was before I had to struggle and survive. I am a strong woman because of my
grandmother and mother. My childhood was not horrible. After my uncle died, the
turmoil began. So deeply fast and furious.
I see a lot of spiritual growth in years past. I am
still a work in progress. I still am finding my way in this chaotic world. I
feel as though I am a puzzle piece that never fits. How can that be? How has
God created such a person that pulls from everywhere and fit nowhere? It is
such questions that may never be answered until I meet my maker.
I see a lot of spiritual growth in years past. I am
still a work in progress. I still am finding my way in this chaotic world. I
feel as though I am a puzzle piece that never fits. How can that be? How has
God created such a person that pulls from everywhere and fit nowhere? It is
such questions that may never be answered until I meet my maker.
I am a flower child. A hippie. I am not the drugs or
sexuality that was prevalent during the 1960s and 1970s. I do not live the
modern way of life. I do not want to. I want to feel nature and understand the spiritualities
outside the normal modern world.
When one life ends, a new one begins.
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