Triquetra, Charmed

I love the show Charmed very much because it is new age and feminine.

I love the triquetra symbol. It is also known as the trinity knot or celtic triangle. It has several meanings. Its three equal arcs represent equality. The continous line expresses eternity. The interweaving represents individuality and unity.

For pagans, it represents the three fold nature of the goddess as virgin, mother, and crone. It also symbolizes life, death, and rebirth. It also represent three forces of nature: earth, air, and water.

For christians, it represents the trinity: father, son and holy ghost. Three persons as one God.

I would like to get this tattoo'd on my left arm. I also would like to get the word charmed as it relates to this symbol and the show, Charmed.

Winter Smartass

This year has been a bit better than the last few. mom found a job, I still haven't yet.

Mom feels as though she may get fired. Her boss, Regina, is such a bitch. She does not know what she is doing as an office manager. She doesn't know the difference between a debit and a credit. Most of the work is calculated for her which makes it tougher for her if something is wrong. Her friend, Debbie, is a raging bitch. She is rude to the customers and curses in public. The owners of the business have no clue or too stupid to see clearly about these two buddy bitches. Well, they will get smite'd and they'll be put in their place. Somebody will tell them off. I'll be there as a laughing hyena! Politics do not work in the office - heed my warning. What you may do unto others will certainly be done unto you.

I wish I lived in New York or Switzerland. Somewhere else other than here. I am a bit depressed about the whole situation - mostly anger and helplessness. I feel stuck in a place where there is no way out and I keep falling. I slip once I feel safe. If I feel that things are going good, life will soon turn to shit. Something will happen to make life darker.

I daydream to aleviate the reality of the dismal feelings. I always wake up knowing how helpless I feel to make things better. I want to be lifted out of this and be placed in a better situation. The reality of it is that won't happen! I know it won't. Life is just not that equal and pleasant. I still want to daydream, to know that there is at least something that I can wish for.

Winter is quite fitting for the moods I've been in lately. I just can't seem to be positive and lift up other's spirits. How can I help others when I can't even help myself? I feel like I have to act like a dumbass just to get a job. Apparently, people don't want to hire smart educated people. Why? Maybe they feel like they will get booted out. Well, maybe you deserve it asshole! If you can't do the job, you need to find another one! Give people a 'effin chance!

My mom had knee surgery last month. She is having a sleep study done this month. The doctor's office we are going to is so damn full of immigrants, that we can't get a decent doctor. Overworked? An all too common HELL YES! I mean, I had blood work done in October. It's December and I can't get a person to answer the damn phone. I'd be worse off if I was dying! Maybe I am, they just haven't gotten around to telling me yet! Shit.

Life is just messed up, folks. Not worth dying over it. Damned if you do, damned if you don't scenerio I guess. Now I need money to change careers - which I have none. I can't even finish my bachelor's degree!

America's unemployed.

Internet and Celebrities - A piece of advice!

I came across a blog on a website that someone has forwarded to me.

It was based on an actor whom I adore very much. The author of the blog ranted about the actor and his wife being complete and utter assholes while not taking care of their son.

I was shocked beyond utter belief that this was posted. This was the first time I came across anything negative toward the actor. I am not counting critic's reviews of any films.

I tweeted this actor feeling like I had just been cheated on by this actor's bad behavior.

I had egg all over my face. One of the actor's tweet friends replied that the actor is not that way personally. The blog author was most likely pissed off and spiteful. I immediately tweeted an apology for my ranting.

I will admit when I am wrong. This time I was wrong and I will freely admit that. I am only human and a loyal admirer of this actor. I just hope that he forgives me.

Please be weary of what you read on the internet. You could end up with egg all over your face like myself. I jumped the gun and ended up embarrassed about it. Probably does not matter anyway.

The principle still applies here. Be weary of what you read, it is not always true!

Posthummous: alive again, renewed faith

I have arisen from the dark once again.

Many things have burdened me these past three years. A few things I will not speak of due to the intimate nature of my soul being too vulnerable upon speaking of such matters.

I have taken a hiatus from college for a semester to find work. Work seems to be the worst of the curses that have plagued me. I would love to finish my Bachelor's degree, maybe finish two at the same time. My financial aid has hit a plateau that has made it hard to continue with courses. I will, however, tackle this problem later in the year.

My mother has been ill with various things. She is getting these things fixed at a snail's pace. Luckily, she has health insurance now. This has made our lives a bit harder than most, at least for the time being.

The house is up for sale. 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, a deck, and side steps. We have A little over 14 acres of which 1 acre is cleared for the house. I have been wanting to move out of this house for too long. Mom has wanted to keep it. We are walking forward to a better life and starting over again. I'de love to move to New York or Massachusettes soon. Maybe within a year or two. I just do not want to go back to Georgia nor stay in the Carolinas.

There are so many things that I want to do. These things have been derailed for years. I have got to get them done before my time is up in this existence. I see a new horizon before me to do this.

To any readers out there:
I hope this reaches you in a good place. Always feel free to reply and talk if you would like. We all will get through this together.

Daydreams.Reality.Moods

I have always loved to daydream. It has kept me sane during half of my childhood when things were really brutal and hopeless.

I still daydream.

Sometimes daydreaming does put me in a bad mood. Reality checks in and I become saddened that my daydreams are not being fulfilled.

How can my daydreams do this to my emotions? Why do I even bother to daydream when it just depresses the hell out of me?!?!?!?!

I want to fulfill my dreams and I just can't walk the walk. I am constrained and unmotivated. My emotions are the Pandora's Box of my life.

Sometimes I have to ask WTF is wrong with this picture? I just want to scream and pitch a damn tantrum to get it all out in the open. I want it all to hang out and leave. Don't care where it goes! My negative emotions, the sadness, the depression, and the anxiety need to hitch a ride into hell.

I need help to get motivated and charge my batteries. I still want to daydream and be merry. I just need to vent and find my true happy place, where ever that may be.

American Struggle

It has been a very tough year, folks.

Financial woes, depression, and hopelessness plague many of us. I feel it has hit my personal life way too hard. So many spiritual and economic questions loom without answers.

My heart goes out to many of my fellow Americans who are struggling hard finding themselves nowhere.

I have a wish and a prayer that many of us can find that path that leads us to a better place. I really need it.

Chaos

Chaos brews around me without asking. I tire easily of the fight to survive. It is easier to give up rather than fight. So many questions, so little answered prayers. I fathom those who have jobs, able to live without fear or worry.

Why is it so hard? I turn towards the chaos and cannot breathe. Fear comes over me, withers me as a dried flower. The loneliness ensues and devours. Looking out onto the infinite ocean. Nothing to see but waves, only to hear the beauty of freedom and serenity I long for.

I daydream only to crash back into reality at any moment. Biological clock ticking. Age is settling in. No one to comfort me as my needs go untouched, withering away in the wind.

Is this what will become of me? Only to live as a droid, soulless and alone. Pitch black waters swaddle me to sleep. I succumb to the ocean only to find myself swaddled. False hope.

This is me. I feel what I feel, and others as well. I take on more than I allow, more than my shoulders could bear.

Far Away. . .and yet so close!

Been gone too long, sinking in my own ocean.

Too much on my mind to be philosophical.

Once the storm has passed -

All will be well, I will write to please only myself.

I am still near,

Feeling to cold breath of life that has befallen us.

New Year 2011

Well, I have to say I have come through another tough year. It has been a real shit storm. I am blessed to have many things in life, especially the basics (house, family, car, food, etc). there is still snow on the ground from Sunday's winter storm. There is an old tale of snow that is still on the ground after three days, it is waiting for more of it!

Spring semester at USC-Lancaster started this week. Due to the snow, I missed all of my classes. I have logged on the the college website for students' classes and found an assignment waiting for me. aaarrrggghhhh! It is fine. It gives me something to read before getting to bed.

I have a few resolutions. First, get a job. Second, get healthy. Third, clean the house - get rid of junk. Finally, sell the house. My mother and I have promised each other that we will get a small dog after the both ofus get jobs. It has been so brutal with the job hunt!

Well, the new year will bring a new me. I just need to color my hair and pierce my ears! :)