Tranquility

In my many years, I have felt myself mature in many ways outside of the box. I do grow old as everyone else, just not easily. As with my previous post entitled “Empath”, I am a bit different than most.

I sit outside. I use my sensory abilities to find some inner peace outside of the city.  The city is too busy with too many things happening all at once.

Nature provides a much quieter sensory perception that I require. I see birds and squirrels foraging for food. I hear the birds chirp. I feel the wind and sun on my skin. I smell the freshly cut grass and the freshly bloomed flowers. The sun’s rays are different hues during the day. 

The depth of color changes with the seasons. The depths of color changes with the seasons. Green is a brighter shade during spring. It changes to a deeper hue during spring and summer. Fall brings many browns and reds that are exquisite. The mountains are the best areas to see the colors change. The sun changes its depth during fall. Just exquisite color during each season. Most people do not notice the changes like that. Nature gets taken for granted.

My heart hurts for people and animals that are in emotional and physical pain. I want to help people. There is beauty in tragedy (me). My heart is genuinely good. There is no switch that can be flipped. No on and off switch. Why?

I frequently ask why I never truly fit in. No cliques. No social groups. I float in this world. I am a hippie. A rocker. A loving and caring person. A strong woman.

I am overloaded with multi-tasking and setting goals that are too high for myself. I expect better of myself and fail. I constantly push against the grain of indifference. People cannot see or accept what is different. 

Tranquility and peace is what I seek in others and in life. Life can fulfill my desire. People cannot adequately fill the need. I want to find what happiness is. I want to define my own happiness. 

I play a CD of ocean waves. I envision myself sitting in a canoe drifting along the river. A cool breeze helps the waves move me along. The sun is setting in the west. The depths of the sun’s color is gorgeous. The birds are very vocal. Tranquility.