Physical Pain

As I do not talk about my health, I will share a post now as it is taking over quite furiously as of late.

I ended up in the emergency room last week. I was in a lot of general pain. I've spoken out about being in a very mild pain for a while. I found out I have a urinary tract infection and myalgia which means muscle pain. I was not thoroughly looked at when I was in the ER.

I have spoken out at the medical office I have been going to for a long time now. I have been doing a little bit of  research of late until I can find a doctor's office to make a new patient appointment.

I have a lot of symptoms:

Joint pain --> particularly in the hands and knees. The hands are a bit more severe.

Muscle pain --> generalized in the legs and back area with  the front of my legs being more severe.

Fatigue --> Generalized all over

Loss of appetite --> Most days

Allergies --> Stuffy nose, watery eyes, sneezing

Sensitivity to cold --> Cold makes my muscle pain worse, rather be in hot car I feel better

Brain fog --> Can't focus, concentrate, blue moods, high anxiety

Stiffness --> particularly when I've been standing or sitting too long

Sleep --> restless sleep, allergies

Legs --> restless when I'm trying to relax, urge to move them for no reason


Strong possible conditions:

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Fibromyalgia
Hypothyroidism
Rheumatoid Arthritis

It has gotten worse over the last three months since I have promoted to department manager over frozen and dairy. Worse to the point of me going to the emergency room being to the point of crying. I'm usually not this sensitive to pain. I've been pretty good about tolerating pain.

Tranquility

In my many years, I have felt myself mature in many ways outside of the box. I do grow old as everyone else, just not easily. As with my previous post entitled “Empath”, I am a bit different than most.

I sit outside. I use my sensory abilities to find some inner peace outside of the city.  The city is too busy with too many things happening all at once.

Nature provides a much quieter sensory perception that I require. I see birds and squirrels foraging for food. I hear the birds chirp. I feel the wind and sun on my skin. I smell the freshly cut grass and the freshly bloomed flowers. The sun’s rays are different hues during the day. 

The depth of color changes with the seasons. The depths of color changes with the seasons. Green is a brighter shade during spring. It changes to a deeper hue during spring and summer. Fall brings many browns and reds that are exquisite. The mountains are the best areas to see the colors change. The sun changes its depth during fall. Just exquisite color during each season. Most people do not notice the changes like that. Nature gets taken for granted.

My heart hurts for people and animals that are in emotional and physical pain. I want to help people. There is beauty in tragedy (me). My heart is genuinely good. There is no switch that can be flipped. No on and off switch. Why?

I frequently ask why I never truly fit in. No cliques. No social groups. I float in this world. I am a hippie. A rocker. A loving and caring person. A strong woman.

I am overloaded with multi-tasking and setting goals that are too high for myself. I expect better of myself and fail. I constantly push against the grain of indifference. People cannot see or accept what is different. 

Tranquility and peace is what I seek in others and in life. Life can fulfill my desire. People cannot adequately fill the need. I want to find what happiness is. I want to define my own happiness. 

I play a CD of ocean waves. I envision myself sitting in a canoe drifting along the river. A cool breeze helps the waves move me along. The sun is setting in the west. The depths of the sun’s color is gorgeous. The birds are very vocal. Tranquility.

Empath

I have discovered a word that can utterly describe me: empathic.

I always thought I was too sensitive wearing my heart on my sleeve. It is not something that affects everyone. Just a small percentage of the population is and some may not even know it.

There are several traits or signs that may be linked to being an empath.

1. People point out that you may be too sensitive or overly emotional.
2. You feel others feelings before they say anything.
3. Negativity overwhelms you even to the point of physical pain.
4. Being in a crowded place overwhelms you.
5. You have a strong intuition.
6. You are more sensitive to pain (low tolerance).
7. You must have some alone time without too much sensory input.
8. You avoid negative images (news or events).
9. You can easily tell when someone is lying.
10. You are more sensitive to stimulants or medications (example: caffeine).
11. You tend to have symptoms of other people.
12. You may have lower back and digestive issues.
13. You are a dumping ground of others' problems.
14. You are more fatigued.
15. You have a very vibrant inner life.
16. You are sensitive to sounds and sensory feelings.
17. You don't like too many things at once.
18. You manage your environment.
19. You do not like narcissists.
20. You can almost feel the days of the week, months, or seasons.
21. You are a great listener.
22. You get bored easily.

Thanks to www.liveboldandbloom.com for the information!

As I have noticed in my many years, when I try to turn these traits off, I can get mean. I can be on the offensive when I try to protect myself. I get hurt too often even from people I trust. I seem to be more aware of life outside of the life of people.