Tuesday, April 27, 2010

When animals attack

..................... This animal attacked me last night...................
It is a gray fox. This animal killed one of the stray cats that I feed. I heard what I thought was a cat fight under the house. Nothing unusual as it were around the house. I went outside and got on to the "cats" about it. The hissing stopped. That is around the time mom got home, 7:30 pm. Mom kept hearing noises under the house. I grabbed the flashlight promising I would not go under the house. I stood at each door under the house and looked. When I go to the third door, I saw what looked like a dog at first. I remembered that I had seen this animal before: it was the elusive fox! I had seen this animal or one like it a few times in the fourteen years I have lived at the house.

I heard a noise that made me think the fox had escaped out of the broken bricks in front of the house. I went around to the front corner thinking about moving the bricks back to cover the hole in the mortar. I did not want it back in. Before I could get my bearings, the fox lunged from the bricks attacking me! I started screaming, my heart was racing, and I kept trying to pull it off me. Luckily, this is a small animal with a small mouth. The fox drew blood from my left foot. I have a few scratches.

My mom came outside which scared the fox back under the house. I told mom what happened. The fox came back out, I pointed to mom that the fox was what attacked me. I had told her I saw a fox a time or two before. The fox ran into the wooded area next to the house. We both heard it make noises. As of today, I am not sure if the fox is back under the house.

Mom took me to the emergency room. I was eager to go out of fear that the fox was rabid. I was treated for the bit wound on my foot. The doctor injected my foot with a rabies shot around the wounds. It hurt like hell! I received six more shots in the ass, one in my left arm, and one in my right arm. I received a total of eight shots for rabies and one tetanus shot for good measure. Nine shots total along with about five weeks of treatment. Treatment means I get more shots! The doctor called animal control last night which mom spoke to them. I spoke to animal control this morning. I was told animal control does not capture wild animals. Department of Environmental Control (DHEC) has to be called.

I have respect for nature. Nature can be beautiful as well as brutal. As a human, I cannot begin to find a true logical reason for why the animal attacked me. Sometimes nature's instincts cannot be explained in a logical manner. I have tried to be logical which has been unsuccessful as of yet.

I did not wish to kill the animal as my heart would not allow such a hinderance. All I wanted to do was to get the animal off and away from me. I do have some residual fear of the fox coming after me again. It is fairly certain that my reaction is normal, albeit a bit unusual.

Most people would be certain of them selves that they would kill it when it attacked or hunt it down to kill it. I do not believe in hunting because it has become a mindless sport. People hunt because they want to, not of necessity. Many tribes, past and present, have hunted for survival. These tribes have killed to feed their family and to use as much of the animal remnants as possible. In today's time, hunters kill and use very little leaving the remnants to rot or eaten by scavengers. This is not helpful to scavenging animals because they will become tame, unable to hunt for themselves. Hunting is a mindless sport that does nothing overall but feed on human instincts to kill.

I know I went into a rant, I felt it necessary. I have an unpleasant experience to gain knowledge from. I hope that others will respect nature and the boundaries between nature and humans.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Broken heart, broken spirit

The world seems to be after me. No paranoia here, just a heavy heart. All of my years to try to be a unique eccentric individual is being faltered by some one close to me. I feel as if my spirit is being broken. I barely know who I am at times and this person just keeps it coming. My spirit is beginning to lose faith in humanity. Feelings of regret, anger, hostility, and sorrow abound me to my own private hell. Granted, a few points being taken have some truths.

I have almost given up on being the person I think I am and becoming a drone in the army of trends and fads. I have never realized how my dark sorrow has made misery company all these years, much less how it affected others. As I have risen to a close freedom from the abyss, others are floating downward. This change in their behavior encourages those negative, dark feelings. I understand how hard it is to thwart those feelings from within. Seeing it in others has rekindled the same abyss in me.

At times, I feel like I am falling downward to hell instead of floating upward to freedom. I try not to let my emotions trump my inner thoughts and my rational, well thought out verbal thoughts. It has not been playing out as well as I had hoped. I am losing this game again, just when I thought I was becoming a free spirit - free from the chains of my own dark abyss.

It seems the one person I allow to play the "devil's advocate" to my personality has become one of "those" people I have avoided. The people that look down on my type as if they are above me. I've always understood that I am amongst so many people in "the middle" - someone always better or worse than me.

I am at the breeaking point of giving up my own eccentricities of life. I do not know what price I will have to pay now or down the road for the loss of my soul. The old cliche "people just don't understand" is way too conservative of any description of society . . and its games.

My heart/spirit are moments from being broken. I pray that I can survive the transformation and find some civility to be worthy of. I want to have freedom on my own terms; obviously, it won't happen.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Yellow Hair


It takes much courage to post a picture of me in a public forum. I am extremely conscious about myself, always have been. I do not view myself in ways many people might - more of a positive manner. I have let myself go over the years because of isolation and falling into despair I cannot even begin to describe right now. I wish I looked more beautiful, moreso like others. Alas, it is not meant to be. I can look back on this within the next few months and see a progression of change. A healthier me so to speak. I am still the same person within, the outer layers have become unhealthy much to my dismay. My inner emotions have damaged my outer layer. I just hope that I can stay the course and be a better person physically while being true to my inner core.