Profound moment

I had a profound moment this past weekend. I truly understood what it means to struggle alone. It was a deeply emotional moment.

My mom and I dug a hole in our yard to find a busted pipe. Our water was off 4 days. We dug 4 days. The pipe was eventually found and repaired with a fiberglass tape. We called a few people to help and offered to pay them a little bit for their time. No shows and no calls. No one bothered.

My mom and I have been struggling with home repairs and finances for several years. House is falling apart faster than we can fix it. We are in more debt than we were before the economy soured.

We don’t get out much. Mom and I watch TV at home. Sometimes we go to the movies or to the bookstore. Maybe to Goodwill to donate some of our clutter. I may find a book or a movie to watch.

I have long quit asking for help. People won’t help at all. People that know me should know that I am not a taker and not give back. I am too much of a caring person. I care too much with no one to give me that care back. I believe it is part of the empathic soul I have.

Here is the profound moment.

It takes more courage to live, rather than to die. Dying is the easy part. How much courage it takes to live is the truth of one’s soul. The trials and tribulations of one’s life and the ability to be on the other side of it is courageous enough. But, to do it alone, that can be more than a person may be able to handle. If one can handle that, along with the struggles of life, it shows the person’s character. Character of a person is as meaningful as their soul. Even if a person walks alone in this life, courage will keep them moving.  

Courage comes from faith. Not everything is black and white (one way or the other). There much more grey shading than ever before. Faith gives us courage to walk forward. God, Jesus, Christ, Savior . . . gives us that courage because we have faith that allows us to move forward.

I see so much beauty in the reality of so much evil. This evil makes us anxious and fearful. I watch the deer in the yard grazing on grass. Rabbits hop across the yard. Birds sing. Squirrels scrounge for food.

I am a better person than I was. I am aware of how much I have overcome. I am still a work in progress. I have a heart for helping people. I am a puzzle piece that does not fit anywhere.

Unemployment 2015

Since my termination from Wally World, things have gotten all crazy funk lately.






I appealed my unemployment termination filing. I initially was denied 16 weeks. After I had a conference call with the unemployment office and my previous employer, 4 more weeks were added. It's 20 weeks now. I sent documents to the unemployment office which they never received supposedly. They did get it, just did not get it to the right person.






Now, I appealed the appeal. If that makes any sense. I haven't heard anything back.  I sent my documents to the EEOC. We will see what happens now.






I'm so tired of getting kicked in the butt. I want a job that I can earn an honest wage to be able to support myself. Apparently, people don't want me to succeed. Well. Screw you to all the nay sayers. I am gonna succeed and kick your butt to the curb!

Symbolism in America

It saddens me that a racist pig went into a church to kill innocent people. A church in Charleston, SC was massacred by a stupid racist.






Stupidity is the lack of common sense and intelligence to do the right the thing according to the fallible laws of man and the law of GOD.






Now that the massacre is widespread, stupidity is amassing. The confederate flag has been deemed "racist". Our South Carolina governor, Nikki Haley, is feeling the heat from the stupid-cratic party to take down the flag.






The flag is a part of American history. Why must people hang on the past of slavery and racism? We should learn from our darkened history to move forward. Progress is retarded based on the few people who refuse to move forward and embrace equality.






Racism and prejudice will always be among us. The KKK is a prime example of a Neanderthal belief system. Hitler may have reigned, he was short lived by those who refuse to give up. Hitler crashed and burned by his own single minded hatred.






Politics are high school cliques.






Please stop putting so much into a symbol. Words mean more than anything. It is time to heal. People should embrace those that need a hand to hold on to and a shoulder to cry on.






Sometimes, I wonder where this country is headed!

Soulful thoughts: life ain't always beautiful

When we were children, everything seems forever. It is the mirage of our youthful naiveté. It is our lack of understanding how reality really works. As adults, we gain the knowledge of the tree of life and all its intertwined branches. Learning and wisdom comes from all the roads we cross over in this life, as we know it. Most of us gain this wisdom in becoming sages. Some of us are along for the ride. While others struggle, just to survive. I have been at many crossroads, yet struggle to survive all the while want to enjoy the ride. 

The wisdom that has passed on is somewhere deep in my soulful heart that beats with everything I have to offer. Yet, I have no takers. This yet-to-be sage has yearning that no one can quench. Just point me in the right direction. Let me be the sponge that I am (to soak up life’s wisdom). I am not done with my learning. 

There have been times when I have forgotten something that mama said. I turn to ask what it was only to find no one there. I miss her. She was the other half of my parental unit. I have a lot of should haves and not enough paying attention.  

Love is unconditional; yet we label, use, abuse it as if it were alcohol. Love comes in many forms such as family, friends, animals, spouses, and many others.  I enjoy having friendships. I enjoy having talks of life and wisdom. Why is it hard for some people to open up? Sometimes I feel the dam pushed to the brink of a conversational flood.  

Friendship is not always about gabbing, gossip, and activities. Friendship can be hanging out with someone is silence enjoying each others presence. 

Humans are social creatures of love and warfare. I see that we are divided by this distinction. Will warfare be our extinction? Quite possibly.