Away and Afar

It's been a while, I know. It is never easy being an adult. Adulthood sucks.

I still have a crush on Thomas. We has become social at work. Yay! Ms Barbara and I talk a lot now. I've joined a gym. Really started working out trying to lose 70 pounds. I'd like to lose it in a hurry. I need to tan some.

There is a lot of drama at work.

Sarah has such a negative attitude lately. She takes extended lunches, leaves early, and takes more breaks than allowed. Her attitude has gone down the toilet. I told her that she will get herself fired. She told me she doesn't really give a shit. She states that she is tired of the way Wally World treats her. She left Monday after only been at work for a little over an hour. She claims she has a stomach virus. Its her stomach, it's her blood pressure, or its hives. It is some excuse to leave or not be on the sales floor. One person from the department next to mine says that he is such "a f**king b**ch" and that she "hates her guts". Another person states that she has a nasty attitude.

Then there is Quincy. He chases ass all the time. He constantly leaves the department to go talk to girls. He undermines others in the department. He leaves projects unfinished. He does not complete the normal tasks assigned at all. He has a foul mouth and talks bad about others. I talked to our store manager about an incident involving Quincy over a week ago. We worked the late shift one evening together. I was doing layaways. He was out on the sales floor helping customers and ringing up purchases. At least I hope he was. Anyway. He comes back to tell me that I have customers waiting at he register. According to one customer, he walked off  in the middle of the transaction. I apologize to the customer. I voided out the items and rescanned them to for the customer. I asked if the customer would wait and allow me to help the other customers so I can focus on activating his Family Mobile Cell service. He left. Quincy said he would label and put up my layaways. He left half my layaways out, some unlabeled.

I told the store manager about the situation and he said he would follow up. He has yet to follow up with me. Not sure if he will.  I worked with Quincy  for about two hours today. I was pulling recalls off the sales floor. Not much interaction. this is the first time in over a week that I have worked with him.

I'm just tired of the bullshit and lack of hours. I put my transfer in to three other stores. As of yet I have not heard back. Just so tired. This week I is a full forty hours. Surprise! Probably won't happen again until it gets closer to Thanksgiving. Sarah and Quincy are working tonight. I think Latoya is working in layaway. Oh boy! Qua, our department manager, made a statement to the effect of "there is no one I trust to bin after you and Angela leave". Yep. Oh well.

There have been days when I just do not feel that my heart is in it to go to work. I called out last week. I aggravated old ankle sprains.  I had 22 hours. I can't survive off of the pay I make. I just wish I could get a pay raise or move into a position where I make a bit more money.

A while now

Been a while now since I posted something of the personal nature.

I got two buddies at work, Ms. Barbara and Mr. Thomas. Yes, the same Thomas I had a crush on. Still do, just not crazy sexy like it was. We talked a few minutes in the associate lounge yesterday evening. I enjoyed it. Casual conversation and good times. A time to wind down and smile a bit.

For the past few days it has been crazy with customers going crazy and rude. I think I am one of the few who actually give a damn to work.

There is a new manager for our department. It will be officially six months on the 29th since I was hired. This new manager will be the third since I was hired. What the hell is up with that?

I'm on the verge of joining a gym. The same gym that Thomas goes to. Oh shit. I mean oh snap. Whatever. I am at odds whether or not I want to cross paths with him at the gym. I need to lose weight. Get rid of some of the pudge I got. I will have to take it step by step to see how weird it will get, if it does.

Anyway, I am gonna sail out for now. got some stuff to do before going to work. Damn.

Hate Me?

Perfect!

Long Time Roller Coaster

It has been a long time since I posted a blog.

My apologies.

I've been off my anxiety medication for a few weeks now. My anxiety is relatively stable. I'm surprised that I'm so calm. Although . . . here is it . . . . but, my anger and attitude are on high alert. Not to the point of rage or ever hurting anyone. I'm surprised that my attitude has changed and my anxiety is so low. Oh well. I will continue to see how it goes.

I'm taking an over-the-counter thyroid supplement I got off Ebay.  It seems that it may not be working. Maybe it is. I don't know. I usually take about 5 pills a day. it is supposed to rev up my thyroid and metabolism. I am using it as a weight loss supplement. I don't really feel anything different. I guess it would help if I took it regularly.

Now on to a more talked about subject. Thomas. He is a roller coaster. I feel like he is cool with me one day and not the next. What the hell? All I want to do is chill with him, friends, whatever. He is a major source of my anxiety. Sometimes. I can't deal with this on-again off-again crap.

His son, Jared, is hot! I saw a picture of him on Facebook. Wow! Anyway. Moving on.

I worked third shift last week for three days setting the mods and stocking Halloween! It was fun. It was Ted, Melissa, and I working. We got a lot done. There were times when I felt like shit.I can't handle many days on third shift.

I got into a tiff with one of my co-workers about two weeks ago. I went looking for her to get the keys to help a customer. I could not find her. I paged her. Our manager had her paged. She got pissed and threw a hissy fit out on the sales floor in front of another co-worker and a customer. I was furious. I walked off to cool down. After I cooled off, I went to our manager and explained the situation. I asked to be moved to another department. He told me to think about it over the weekend. I did. I told him I would like to be moved to another department. It has been a week. I talked to Brandon about moving to sporting goods. He said he will talk to the store manager about opening up a position there.

There is too many people in my department and the way we are scheduled sucks. I was by myself for five hours one night. I mean, what the hell? Morale is low and team work is almost non-existent.  I do not want to quit. I will be there six months at the end of September.

Life sucks.  

WHAT A NIGHTMARE, NEW WISDOM

I was on third shift for seven days. Sleep, eat, and work. That is all I did for seven days straight. My body, mind, and spirit were out of sync with the atmosphere and from within. My pill regiment was completely out of whack. I probably gained what few pounds I have lost. I’ve been moody, bloated, and on the verge of crying. I’ve realized that I can’t handle this much change. 

I’ve posted a tidbit of this blog post on Facebook:

 

           For seven days straight, I have done three things: eat, sleep, and work. No sunlight. My body, mind, and spirit are out of sync with the atmosphere and from within. Today I am able to get back in sync with the world around me. I saw Ms. Barbara today. She made my day with a smile. I talked to Brandon. He said to go back to my schedule. I cannot handle the loneliness of that shift. I did NOT miss the drama of the world on first and second. I have gained a lot of wisdom over these last few days. My day off was taken away from me. I missed meeting with one of my best friends!

A bit of wisdom is that my body is a lot older than my spirit and personality. Only real people can love me for my strengths and weaknesses. If you can’t, get the hell of my train ride! So much anxiety from within me that made me cry. I could not stock and zone as much as I wanted to. I wanted to do the best I could within the time frame of my shift. I just could not do it all. I take pride in my work and sometimes I take too long to do it.

I have so much wisdom. I need to do some spiritual healing and get myself together. I hope I can come back a better person for all of this.

COLLEGE

As it stands today, I have 2 completed associates degrees, 1 associates degree is lacking three classes, and an unfinished bachelor's degree. I am trying to get back into USC - Lancaster to finish my bachelor's degree. They are making it hard for me to do that. I have to fill out "academic progress" forms because they are counting my associate degree classes against me. Why has it become so hard for people to progress to a higher level of achievement? I have to write a letter explaining absence away from college and why it is taking so long for me to complete the academic program. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to pursue a student loan debt to achieve personal progress.

I will try to complete everything before classes start. I just hope it will be enough to get that long-earned piece of paper!

New beginnings

It seems that I have a new perspective on things right now.

I checked my schedule Saturday to see when I would be working. My schedule changed to third shift beginning on Sunday night. I was off this weekend. My third shift started Sunday night from 10 pm to 7 am.

This means I get a break from my department and the slackers who work with me. No more pushing me around and getting pissed off at the slackers not doing their job. I used a palm pilot last night and I got a call from work asking where it was. Pissed me the hell off!  

Third shift will give me time to adjust to my emotional whirlwind. It has calmed down substantially since Friday. Thomas and I are Facebook friends. He is married. He has grown children and a grandchild. I can live with knowing that he is in a happy place and we are ok with each other.

About a week and a half ago we had three palm pilots in my department. Now we are down to one. I searched really well for the lost one to no avail. Don’t f**king call me about it. Don’t chew my ass out about it. I’m so f**king tired of hearing about the damn palm pilots. It is not my fault that everyone else can’t keep up with them! There is a lot of traffic through my department. Someone probably got it and never returned it! F**k off people! I am definitely going to bring this shit up with the store manager.

I have a headache. This is my third day on third shift. I am not cut out to do this shift. I am stocking back-to-school supplies. The school supply area is atrocious! It is always messy when I come in. It has to be seriously organized so I can stock and get as much merchandise out as I can.

Anyway, I see myself coming full circle with my crush on Thomas and coming to terms with it. I am wiser from the experience.